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The Career Path PI
New Manager Survival Guide —
Part Three

Hi,

I’m Alix and today we’re looking at part three of the New Manager Survival Guide: Managing People Who Used to Be Your Colleagues… written with hints and tips as you step into a managerial role.

The series is here to provide support and hand holding where you may not have any, being a ‘virtual mentor’ if you like…

So, as usual, grab coffee and cake and let’s take a look at ideas for you to consider as you face resulting challenges.

Managing people who used to be your colleagues…

Yesterday it was:

“Are you coming for lunch?”

“Definitely.”

“Did you see that email from management?”

“Don't get me started.”

Today it’s:

“Morning, everyone. Before we begin, I've got a few updates from management…”

Oh.

You’re management now.

Being promoted within your existing team can be a fantastic bonus. You already know the people. You understand the work. You know which processes actually work and which exist because somebody created a spreadsheet in 2009 and everyone has been too frightened to delete it.

But managing people who used to be your colleagues brings a challenge that an external manager doesn't have:

Your old relationships came with you.

Some of those people may be your friends. Some may have worked there longer than you. One might even have applied for the same promotion.

And at least one probably remembers that time you accidentally sent an email complaining about the printer to the printer supplier.

So how do you become their manager without suddenly having to transform into an entirely different person?

First: admit that something has changed…

One of the biggest mistakes you can make is pretending nothing is different. You may want to reassure everyone:

“Don't worry! Nothing's going to change!”

But something already has.

Your responsibilities.

You may now be in the position of allocating work, approving holidays, managing performance, having to make decisions and receive confidential information about the people you previously worked alongside.

That doesn't mean you need to become cold or distant, but it does mean some boundaries need to change.

Acknowledge this.

Something as simple as:

“I know this is going to feel a little different for all of us. I want us to keep the good relationship we've had, but I also know my responsibilities have changed.”

That's enough.

No management throne required.

Don't suddenly become “The Boss”…

Awkwardness can make new managers overcompensate.

Yesterday you were Sarah from Accounts.

Today you are SARAH, KEEPER OF THE ROTAS AND GUARDIAN OF ANNUAL LEAVE.

Suddenly you're correcting minor things you previously ignored, introducing unnecessary rules and speaking in phrases such as:

“As your manager…”

Please stop.

You don't need to prove your authority. Your team knows you've been promoted. They received the email.

If you constantly remind people you're the manager, it can suggest you're not entirely convinced yourself.

Stay yourself while recognising that you now have additional responsibilities.

But don't go too far the other way either…

This is equally common.

You feel awkward managing former colleagues, so you avoid managing them altogether:

Someone misses deadlines - you say nothing.

A friend repeatedly arrives late - you overlook it.

Someone isn't doing their share - you quietly do the work yourself. Why? Because addressing it feels uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, avoiding a problem because you used to work alongside somebody doesn't make you kind. It can make you unfair to everyone else.

If one person is allowed to ignore expectations because they're your friend, the rest of the team will notice. And they should.

Your responsibility now is to the whole team.

What if one of them is your friend?

You don't necessarily have to end your friendship because you've been promoted, but you do need boundaries.

For instance, suppose you and a colleague usually go out together on Friday night.

That’s fine.

But what happens when they ask:

“Between us, who's getting made redundant?”

Or:

“What did senior management say about Tom?”

Or:

“Come on, you can tell me. I won't say anything.”

No.

You can't.

Confidential information remains confidential even when someone promises not to tell anyone except their partner, sister and possibly Denise from Payroll.

You may also need to think carefully about situations where friendship could appear to influence your decisions:

Holiday approvals.

Opportunities.

Training.

Work allocation.

Promotions.

People don't only notice actual favouritism - they notice perceived favouritism too.

What if someone else wanted your job?

This can be particularly uncomfortable.

You got promoted. Your colleague didn't.

They may be disappointed, embarrassed, angry.

Or be absolutely fine.

Don't assume and definitely don't march over on Day One and announce:

“No hard feelings, eh?”

If you know somebody applied for the role, treat them professionally and respectfully.

If appropriate, acknowledge the situation privately.

But don't apologise for getting the job. And don't attempt to compensate by giving them special treatment.

They may need a little time to adjust. Give them dignity.

You're going to know things you didn't know before…

This can be one of the strangest adjustments.

As a colleague, you may have joined conversations like:

“Why on earth has management done that?”

As a manager, you may suddenly know exactly why. And you might not be allowed to explain.

You may discover information about budgets, performance, complaints, restructures or individual employees that you must keep confidential.

That can create distance.

It doesn't mean you're becoming secretive or dishonest. It means you're doing your job.

Sometimes the correct managerial response really is:

“I understand why you're asking, but I can't discuss that.”

It may feel uncomfortable. Say it anyway.

Don't join in with management-bashing…

This one can catch newly promoted managers surprisingly easily.

Your former colleagues start complaining about senior management. You agree with some of it - possibly quite enthusiastically. After all, you were joining in last month, but you're now in a different position.

That doesn't mean you must suddenly defend every company decision as though it were personally delivered on a stone tablet.

You can acknowledge frustration.

“I understand why that's annoying.”

You can raise concerns upwards. You can challenge decisions appropriately. But sitting with your team saying:

“I know! Senior management haven't got a clue!”

creates a problem.

You're their manager.

If you apparently have no confidence in the organisation or your own managers, what are your team supposed to do with that?

Be consistent…

Your former colleagues already know you.

That means they’ll notice very quickly if you behave differently depending on who you're dealing with.

Your friend gets away with something - someone you never particularly liked doesn't.

One employee gets the interesting projects - another always gets the rubbish ones.

This could be a danger point.

You don't need to treat everybody identically. People have different roles, needs and abilities. But your decisions should have a reason you could comfortably explain.

A useful test is:

If the whole team knew why I made this decision,

would I be comfortable defending it?

If the answer is no, stop and think.

You may have to manage someone more experienced than you…

This can feel intimidating.

They may have worked there for fifteen years - you've been there for three. And now you're their manager.

Don't pretend their experience doesn't matter. Instead, use it. Ask questions and listen to the answers, then give them appropriate responsibility.

Being the manager does not mean being the person with the most knowledge.

It means being responsible for helping the team use its collective knowledge effectively – right person for the right task.

You can respect someone's expertise without surrendering your responsibility to make decisions.

And yes, you may eventually have to have a difficult conversation…

This is the part many newly promoted managers dread:

What if someone you used to have lunch with isn't performing?

What if your friend behaves inappropriately?

What if someone says: “You've changed since you got promoted.”

Maybe you have. Some change is necessary, but your response doesn't need to be defensive.

You can say:

“You're right that my responsibilities are different now.”

Then deal with the actual issue.

Don't make performance conversations personal.

Be specific:

What happened?

What was expected?

What needs to change?

What support might help?

The longer you avoid the conversation because it feels awkward, the more awkward it usually becomes.

Remember why you were promoted…

You don't need to erase the person you were before.

Your knowledge of the team can actually make you a better manager:

You know the pressures.

You understand the work.

You know where some of the frustrations are.

Use that insight just don't let your history stop you doing the job you have now.

Your former colleagues don't need you to suddenly become a stereotypical Boss.

They need you to become a good manager:

Fair.

Consistent.

Approachable.

Trustworthy.

Able to make difficult decisions when necessary.

Able to make difficult decisions when necessary.

And willing to admit that, yes, it is slightly weird.

Because eventually the awkwardness settles.

The new relationships become normal. And one day you'll walk into a meeting, look around at the people you used to sit beside and realise:

You're not pretending to be their manager anymore.

You simply are.

Meanwhile, success is within your grasp, and I wish you all the luck possible,